My First Time

 Hello! 

A continuation of my last/first post...Man this edible is good, God Bless Trevor Noah. I think the first content post of this blog should be my first time dancing with the devil's lettuce. 

    For the purpose of retaining some form of anonymity, I'll be referencing my school as SSU (some state university) and my partner's school as SPU (some private university). It was Mid-January 2019, I was at my partner's house, in his school apartment. It was an hour drive to and from our universities and we usually saw each other on the weekends, and maybe 1 day in the week if we both particularly needed a break from our schools. 

    At the time I was living with 3 other women and since we were all in the same classes, lived together, and in grad school you're always studying together, so you're bound to get sick of each other. At this particular time that Winter I was struggling with seasonal depressive symptoms mixed with my regular depression, not to mention the anxiety and distress of graduate school; I was very on edge and easily overwhelmed. I was visiting my partner (SO), very much needing some time outside myself.

    He lived in a school-owned apartment with 3 other men, whom he didn't know before they moved in together. We were in his room, him at his desk and I on the bed, finishing out homework for the night. I was feeling deflated after that week and SO noticed. He had been smoking weed since high school and he'd wondered if I'd ever try it. A detail somewhat pertinent to this story is that we fell in love fairly quickly, only a few weeks into us officially dating, so in only a few months I trusted him with my safety and to be understanding of my hesitation. But I was very tempted to try it, so I said fuck it and I went for it. I was a novice to how to consume cannabis then so I didn't think a certain way of consumption was the best choice for beginners. SO was excited that I was interested in trying something that he really enjoyed. 

    I'm not exactly sure why but he thought best that I try smoking a dab for my first time, not flower. He borrowed his roommates dab piece. I remember being really intrigued by his piece because I didn't know that pieces could be made out of silicon, but it was green and black striped in the shape of a trumpet with a bubble in the middle, so like a thicc trumpet. It took a try or two tries to get the right breathing technique to actually feel any effects. *Cue Bill Clinton saying, "I didn't inhale."* SO showed me how he does it and once I got that breath right, BAM! 

    It felt like smoke, but not smoggy smoke, more like a steam smoke, filled my head, swallowing my brain in a fog. This only last around 10 seconds, although it felt like a few minutes. Over the course of 10 minutes I could feel my muscles more deeply, I could compel myself to relax my muscles in ways that I never have before (again, tense person). SO suggested that we go for a walk probably to get me moving so I wouldn't sink into the couch on my first time. We walked about the town where SPU was. I could feel the cool Midwestern air on my face, almost like painting my skin with an unused paintbrush. SO had his dab pen with him and was taking small hits here and there, quickly putting it back into his sweatshirt pocket as to avoid being noticed by people who may have...disapproved of the activity.

    We walked for a while, past the football field, the neighboring cemetery, and around the small downtown area. My eyes felt glazed and permanently half closed. My feet were heavier and my breath was deeper, yet my heart was beating slightly faster. Physically, I felt slow and obviously high. I can conceal my highness when it counts, but this was my first time, so I know I looked like a cat wearing socks walking around trying to "act natural." 

    As our walk came to a close, I was still feeling high, maybe halfway through it. We headed back to his apartment to eat, because MUNCHIES, and to lay down. I really like peanut butter, so I grabbed my personal jar of peanut butter in their cabinet and got me a spoon. SO made some snacks. I laid down, already in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, letting my high take me wherever it was going. One of SO's favorite genres of music is EDM, so he had some YouTube playlists all lined up for this occasion. I had to ask him which playlist he picked and apparently is was Taking You Higher Pt. 2, by the YouTuber, MrSuicideSheep. A high that slaps with songs that slap, makes a pretty great first time. I could feel the vibrations of the beat phase into my muscles. It felt like I could sense each neural connection and neuron firing (brain cells transferring energy). 

    I stared at the ceiling, allowing myself to live in this moment, just existing. I looked at SO with all of these thoughts and feelings. I wanted to share it with him. After explaining my experience, he looked back and said, "It's like thinking and feeling in 3D." That made so much sense to me, it's more than first or third person, it felt like writing in an omnipotent style, no dissociation and no 2D perspective, a balanced awareness. Writing this, I can't help but feel like this just sounds like a stoner's weird babblings, which is valid, but I'll remember that experience being one of the most unique highs I've ever experienced. 

-IWWSS